just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
