never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
