Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
