Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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