I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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