Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
