You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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