I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i think i just lost a toe
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
