it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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