you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
