I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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