one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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