so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
