I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
