Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
