listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
