Absence makes the cock grow harder.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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