i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
