dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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