I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
