i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
