so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
