I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize