My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
