You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
