you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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