Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize