everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
