i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
