The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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