I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
