Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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