I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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