I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize