I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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