Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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