I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
