Cold hands, warm shart.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
