So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
even my farts smell like vagina
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize