i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
