This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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