I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
