Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
