i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
