I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize