meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
