the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
