So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
