I wish my penis had an off switch
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
