You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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