I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize