I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
