If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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