I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
