If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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