no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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