Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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