just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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