hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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