come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
