When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
