I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wear drunk well.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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