Already got asked if we're dating
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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