I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize