The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
