Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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